40 Lesson From 40 Years of Marriage: Part 4 of 4

40 Lesson From 40 Years of Marriage: Part 4 of 4

31. Wives generously use your sexual power in your husband’s life. 

I think that one of the mistakes we make when we read chapters 5-7 in Proverbs (which is a father’s advice to a son about the harlot) is to believe that sexual power over a man is limited to just a woman in the streets.

I think Proverbs 5-7 gives women an interesting glimpse into how to encourage and bless her husband—by speaking love to him in the language that would encourage him. Ladies, use your sexual power liberally with your husbands.


32. The first essence of rearing children is “identity.”

This has to do with disciplining your child to know his or her spiritual destiny and spiritual address. It also has to do with his or her sexual identity as well. This culture is seeking to distort the image of God imbedded in boys and girls; we have to help our children know how to navigate those waters.


33. The second essence of rearing children is “relationship.” 

Disciple your child to know what real love is, how to love another imperfect person, and how to experience love as a human. The Great Commandment makes it clear (Matthew 22:34-40). Life is about relationships. It’s about a relationship with God, loving Him, and it’s also about loving others on the horizontal.


34. The third essence of rearing children is “character.”

The book of Proverbs talks about this, obviously. It is disciplining your child to be wise and not be a fool.


35. The fourth essence of rearing children is “mission.” 

It is no mistake that the Scriptures compares children to arrows in the hands of a warrior. Arrows are meant to be pulled back by an archer, aimed at a target, and let go.

What are you aiming them toward? What are you challenging your children to give their lives to? The Kingdom’s work is paramount. We’re going to need another generation to carry on should Christ tarry.


36. Determine your core values as a couple.

In the early years of Barbara's and my marriage, we went on a little retreat together. She got alone and wrote down the top ten core values that she wanted to produce in our children. I got alone, separate from her, and wrote out my top ten core values for the kids.

Then we got together and prioritized them, agreeing on our top five. Those five helped us to not compare our family with other families, but to do just what God had called us to do. And it helped us be one as a couple.


37. Interview your daughter's date, and train your sons not to be clueless.

May I suggest two books that I wrote: Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date and Aggressive Girls, Clueless Boys?

In today's culture, even our little eight year old/nine year old boys are being preyed upon by older girls. It is bizarre.

I was recently told about a young man who went away for a Passport2Purity®weekend, which is a weekend getaway, with his father. He was 11 years old. After learning about the birds and the bees for the first time, he arrived back home. Two days later, two eighth grade girls asked him to have sex with them. He said, “No”—told them to leave.


38. Become smaller, not bigger, in the lives of your adult children.

As Barbara and I have watched our grown children manage their own families and extended families, we have learned that we must become small. By this I mean that we cannot fix their problems. We can give advice when asked, but not unless we are asked.


39. As I get older, I want to laugh more with my wife, gripe less, and be found guilty of giving her too much love, grace, and mercy rather than too little. 


40. Have a view of God that will guide you all of your days.

What you think about God is important. Your view of God, of who He is and the blueprints of His Word, will guide you all your days through many valleys and mountaintops in ministry.

40 Lesson From 40 Years of Marriage: Part 4 of 4

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