Call Us:

Len Shelby Notes

Week 1 (April 5)

The following thoughts and notes comes from Dr. Brene' Brown and her book, The Gift of Imperfection". I would encourage you to read it. It will both convict and console you.

  • Perfectionism touches everyone around us with impossible expectations, first on ourselves, and then our family, friends and workplace.
  • The good news is that grace and compassion can spread more quickly than perfectionism.
  • Perfectionism is NOT:
    – The same thing as doing your best and striving for excellence in a healthy way.
    – Selfimprovement and growing in a healthy and achievable way.
  • Perfectionism is:
    – At its core about trying to earn approval and people please and to perform.
    – A self-destructive and addictive belief system that is fueled by the need to "get it right" and trying to be "good enough".
    – Dysfunctional because it finds its roots in shame, judgement, and blame.


Coaching Points

I believe our mission and goals as parents is explicitly expressed in Deuteronomy 6:49. We are commanded to commit wholeheartedly to loving God and teaching our children to do the same.

CP #1:
The data from research clearly confirms (what we already know from God's word) is that, where we are on our journey of living and loving with our whole hearts, is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from howtobooks and from the Shelby's and Ivey's.

CP #2:
Learn the skills of a being a GRACE based parent versus a SHAME based parent.

CP #3:
Understand the difference between guilt and shame when disciplining your children.
• Guilt = You did something bad!
• Shame = YOU are bad!

CP #4:
Be aware of the three "NEEDY' demons
• The need to please (gain approval)
• The need to perform
• The need to be perfect

I love Nehemiah's words in Nehemiah 4:14 to the families who were working "on the wall". (See scripture below)


Key Scriptures

Deuteronomy 6:49
"Listen O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly†to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your foreheads as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Isaiah 59:21
"And this is my covenant with them," says the Lord. "My Spirit will not leave them, and neither will these words I have given you.They will be on your lips and on the lips of your children and your children's children forever. I, the Lord, have spoken!"

Joshua 24:15
"Choose today whom you will serve .....But as for me and my house (family) we will serve the Lord."

Nehemiah 4:14
"Don't be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!"


Len Shelby Notes